Eros Portal

John B. Root’s never-ending porn circus is not fun for the whole family, but it is fun! If you like silly, sexy, extreme EuroPorn, go have a look.

The folks over at Cinema Erotique have some new offerings. When they are good, they are very good; when they are not, they are silly. So there is something for everyone.

Sapphic Erotica is the acknowledged King of cheesy, faux lesbian porn. Of course, that doesn’t mean all the girls are faux lesbians — we know some really are very much into girls. But Sapphic Erotica isn’t about how girls fuck each other; it’s all about how immature guys wish girls fucked each other. So it’s pretty and pretty repetitive and kind of boring, but it will still likely get you off. They know what immature guys want, and as immature guys are 99.5% of the market, they do quite well.

What annoys us is their ungrammatical tendancies: “Three stunners lap and dildo butts!” Sorry, “dildo” is not a verb, and that sentence is close to a sematic nullity. And they do it a lot:

Three sweet teens dildo fresh quims

Enticing teens nude and dildo twats

Adorable teens kiss and dildo twats

Sizzling sweeties finger and dildo

We could go on but you get the idea — or you couldn’t care less. That’s OK. Go buy some nicely shot tacky porn, jack-off and don’t worry about the degradation of the Mother Tongue. You deserve it.

Oh, and if you want real lesbian porn, go see Cyber Dyke.

Have you been keeping up with Explicite-Art.com? If you like fun and sometimes silly Euro-Porn, Explicite-Art is the place to find it. They feature lot’s or fisting — including ass fisting, fucking, double-penetration and anal sex , and POV sex. The video quality is excellent.

Yes, it’s more like a circus than real sex, but it a lot of fun, just the same.

Cherry Chapman of Cinema Erotique really does try hard of make interesting elevated porn films, and she’d probably rather that we called it erotica and maybe we should. They do have varied themes and they do put a lot of work into sets, scripts (which they term “dramatic erotic”), and production values. The women are pretty and there is enough hard-core fucking and masturbation to satify most porn hunters. The site design is kind of dated and cheesy (and it can load slow so be patient), and they seem to think that saying “un film de” rather than “a video by” makes them sound better, but that’s not really what you care about right? So we’ll overlook the dated site and honor them for trying hard to make decent porn — or erotic — films.

But that’s also the rub — they try too hard. Making a good film is very difficult but the hardest thing for most speilberg wannbe’s is to recognize that they aren’t speilberg or even another arrogant washed-up no-talent film maker we could name. Even if they have the vision, they don’t have the money, the staff, or the talent. The people they work with are hired to fuck decoratively on camera, not speak lines or act, and they do the latter two very badly as rule.

So having high production values backfires if they are high enough to move you out of porn land but not into real film land. Look at the screen cap below to see what I mean:

That’s an elaborate set by internet porn standards — and hey! there’s a costume too! — but it’s kind of embarrassing, like a pornographic second-rate high school play. That shot is from a film about sexual fantasies that, among other thing, features a girl christ figure with a porn-starlet landing strip. For me that sort of ruins the ride, right there, but it does get worse. They actually did some blue-screen effects in this movie! My advice — don’t go there. Nothing looks worse than doing a sophiscated effect badly, and while I admire their brass in atempting it, these are done really badly. Ouch! (Go here to see the trailer.)

They also have upcoming feature called The Claw (also the name of an icon of uber-cheesy 50’s sci-fi horrow flicks) featuring a really goofy rubber claw hand (and some trees on fire) about which they say: “Horror meets erotica in this thriller full of suspense, erotism and high pitch sreams [sic]… The Claw is coming!” (Yeah, right — and I’m going. Ouch^2.)

For another cheesy example with side of fries, see The Prisoner, and for something with less cheese, there is Models.

Mainstream porn makers figured out in the early 80s that confusing film-making and porn-making was a bad idea and started making porn that was just about sex without any pretentions to acting, plot, or art. When they let the actors try to act, they mainly made porn that you had watch with the sound turned off and the fast-forward button at the ready. Unfortunately that’s where Cinema Erotique still is.

Now, to be fair, you might like The Claw or their other offerings, and the videos do have a certain goofy, campy charm. But my feeling is they take themselves way too seriosuly at Cinema Erotique and probably would not appreciate being looked on as cheesy, campy, or goofy. Oh well….

If you want to see an example of how to make a good short video with some genuine erotic tension and actual art to it, check out Prelude by X-muse. It may have its flaws but it shows how three people and one camera and a beach and a very good eye can really work together to create something inspired. The video works because it works with the constraints of the video makers; they didn’t try to do things they could not and they used what they had very nicely to come up with a very sweet 5 minutes of fun, thought-provoking, sexy video.

We wish Cinema Erotique would take some pointers from X-muse because with the resources they have, they could then make something very good. But as Dirty Harry said, “You gotta know your limitations.”

The folks at SapphicErotica say that their site is widely regarded as the leading Teen Lesbian site on the Web today and they are probably right. It may not be the best, but is certainly is the leading site. There was a time when it seemed like you could not get away from them while looking for porn on the internet (which of course is sort of like looking for sand on a beach).

But SapphicErotica is actually pretty good porn — well lit and crystal clear and the girls are very pretty. They do fuck and suck and finger and there is a lot of ass licking. Everyone generally seems to be having a good time, but this is porn for straight guys, make no mistake. Here is a sample of how they promote themselves: Three hot teens tongue twats in bed. Apparently their opinion of straight guys is no higher than P.T Barnum’s, or they don’t know any better themselves.

Ok, some of the girls are genuinely bi and there might be an actual lesbian in the crowd, but these are pretty girls fucking for pay, not for each other. As porn, it’s good if a tad formulaic and slightly tacky. Of course, you might think that’s a good thing as you always know what (and who) is going down.

So if you want to watch real lesbians fuck and cum, CyberDyke is one of the very few places you will see that. Go to SapphicErotica if you want to see pretty girls fucking and giving a good facsimile of cumming. Or go to both; variety is a good thing!

Below are few more samples of what you will see at SapphicErotica. The cheesy promo line are theirs and tell you pretty all you need to know about the site:

Beautiful brunettes tongue and fist

Horny cowgirls finger tight butts

Three horny cuties deeply finger

Explicite-Art.com is about the best site for fun, sometimes goofy, Euro-porn there is. There is a ton and more of content there and they pride themselves on the more extreme stuff like fist fucking. There is a plently of girl/girl fucking; lots of boy-girls fucking; lots of ass fucking and double penetration, and a considerable amount of fucking in some outstanding outdoor scenery. The technical quality is very good, the girls are mostly cute, and the whole operations seems pretty light-hearted and fun.

The only drawback we see is that there is something of a circus feel to the whole thing of the “Let’s see if THIS will fit” variety that we don’t find especially sexy, but you can’t have everything. They are generous with their samples and unlike some sites, they will not leave you feeling like “That was it?” when you exit the member’s area.

Euro-porn is not like Ameri-porn so it may not be your cup of tea. But we think they are worth a look.